[This chapter should have been written probably at the beginning of my series of blog. Since the matter is very personal to me, I took some time to finally make it public. It is my humble effort to show tender emotions of a teen- myself. Till date the true story was hidden from even some of my best friends.
You go to college and on very first day you meet a cute girl. She comes near you just to give you a nice slap for the way you looked at her. At the end, same girl would fall terribly in love with you and ultimately you have to win her rescuing her from villain. Such goody goody stories are for Hindi masala movies. Real college life is, naturally, very different and it unfolds itself on its own. Following true story is about me and the first ever girl I met in my college. Name of the girl is to remain a secret!]
When I was traveling all the eleven and half hour journey from bhuj to anand by ST bus for the first time, I felt my body was not left with a single painless bone and muscle before I reached! Still, after reaching anand, I had to search for bus to karamsad.
The bus was about to reach and I was looking for help.
Just about 2-3 seats from my seat there was a girl talking something about psmc that made me attentive like a street dog!
‘Should I ask her how to reach psmc?’ I thought. She was completely unknown to me. If she was going to psmc, she could be from my senior batch or she could be my own batch mate. It was not that I was shy but still it needed good amount of courage to initiate talk! Reasons for that were very obvious.
Back at home, in my home town bhuj, I had quite a few girls as playmates in my childhood. However, after reaching teens, unfortunately, there was no good friendship with any of the girls because there were no girls around me! It was not surprising because from 5th std onwards till the 12th std, I studied in exclusive boys schools.
Let me open up a secret... some of my school friends, shanti, premal, chintan, chande used to sit on a bench near jubilee ground in the evenings just for bird watching! Naturally, there were many birds in bhuj which liked them to be watched. My friends used to sit on the bench and I used to sit on my grandfather’s bicycle (my bike- you know!!) keeping my back towards the road where the birds used to pass. Kalpesh, my dearest friend of school days (and even till today) used to give me genuine company by keeping his back also towards the road.
As any bird passed, I could see turning of heads of my friends 180 degree en masse! However, I kept myself away from this sacred activity, (which probably our ancestors did for centuries with equal zeal!) for some strange reasons. Firstly, I feared, a girl could drive me mad if by chance I start liking any! Secondly, I never wanted to be cheated by good looks. And lastly, I had label of “good boy”! (So I do not know any popular names of the birds of our times at bhuj.) I was sometimes targeted by my friends for the same reason. However same friends used to put me forward if some communication was to be done with any girl. (“Tara man ma paap na hoyne! Tu barabar wat kari shakish...”). At occasional school science fairs, I used to ask many questions to all contestants including the girls amongst them. To my queries, most of the girls used to get confused. My friends used to enjoy that. Apart from these sporadic communications, there was total blackout.
But the situation turned different as I passed 12th std and entered a medical college. As I felt, good looks could no longer deceive me and “good boy” should have good girls as friends, I decided to have good friendship with the girls of my class. And now, probably, it was the time!
Again, let me talk about the girl in the bus. she was not a beauty queen but She looked an average college girl with boy cut hair and spects. Her looks made it sure she was from a decent family. This all gave me courage to speak with her.
“hello! Are you by chance going to psmc?” I directly inquired.
“oh yes… I recently got admission.” Her reply fuelled my confidence.
“so we probably belong to same batch. I also am going to psmc. I am from bhuj. My name is neh”I introduced myself.
“nice to meet you” she said honestly. I really felt happy inside as I could talk nicely with her.
“ I do not know how to reach karamsad. Can you tell me?” I put my query as we got down from the bus.
“oh sure. Come with us. there is separate bus station for vallabh vidyanagar and we may get connection to psmc from there.” She happily guided me to the destination and I followed.
I thought I really was successful in communicating and creating base for friendship. Nothing more was expected. I was happy. No one can imagine how a “virgin” boy like me would feel from such a small incident. It was like starting of new journey of life, first breeze of self confidence.
If this happened to my friends like jasmine shah or tapasvi, it was nothing very special. They had very good capacity not only to communicate but also to befriend the girls. But I never was like them and the small meeting took a special place within me.
I never had any more expectation from the little communication I did with that girl. I only expected a good beginning of friendship giving me confidence and opportunity to communicate more with the other girls of my batch. Wasn’t that quite legible?
Within a day or so, I saw that girl again! She was going somewhere and incidentally I was on the same way behind her. She probably, as faintly I remember, had some of her friends with her. I felt I should talk. Rather, I was eager to initiate talk!
“Hello…!”Sure of response, I said over confidently.
She was few steps away from me. However, she was walking silently with her friends. But she did not respond. I lost a bit of my confidence but the very next moment, I felt probably she might have not heard me well.
“Hello there…!” now I spoke with some anxiety. Again there was no response. She did not even look back! She kept walking. I felt she wanted to neglect me. Was that really true? Was she avoiding me? Such questions mounted in my mind and wiped away all of my confidence to talk with the first girl I met in my college.
I do not know what happened afterwards. But I was hurt. The blow was severe. The severity was such that I never took any chance to talk with any girl of my class again. I kept myself away from the girls. My mind was full of fear of rejection. It was not that I did not talk with the girls at all, but I talked only whatever was extremely needed. I never tried to befriend with any of the girls. College world became somewhat gloomy for me for those initial few months. Though there was a big dent on my heart I was otherwise normal and even I could hide this fact from my best friends like tapasvi and hemant. So no one probably ever noticed what happened to me!
Was that fair to not to talk with me even after my brief introduction and repeated attempts to talk with her by me? How could one be so rude? She could at least have told me hi or could have given me a smile. Or she should not have talked with me at the first occasion at the bus station only.
However, some angles had to come to rescue me! Notably, one of them, Margi, one of my dissection partners in anatomy classes unknowingly did that job. She was a very talkative (and still is!) girl. She would not stop talking till you respond. Then there was namrata-Cool calm and gentle girl sure of her goals. Shilpa was not our dissection partner but she used to come now and then on our table to chat with our team in name of seeing “good dissection” and used to talk with all. i also can not forget manisha, a girl that joined dissection batch late as she got transfer to medical college from a dental college. she was very frank and friendly.
As time passed, I met beji, naughty and a bit narcissist, very conscious of her. Jasmine, studious and innocent, anu, looked and behaved more like a school than a college girl. I can not forget my good friend heena, himani, jayshree and ripple. All of them treated me normally.
Gradually, like the river water smoothes all the dents of the stones as it passes gently shaping the stones over the time, my wound healed by all the angels I met afterwards.
Years later, the lady that met me in the bus became good friend of ours. Jasmine told her my story. She really was surprised. She did not even notice the small incident that took place a few years back that gave me a scar. Her behavior was purely unintentional. She never wanted to hurt any one. She was really sorry for whatever happened that day and afterwards.
After these many years, above story is just to smile about.
No comments:
Post a Comment